Monday, 9 August 2010

The Candyfloss Girl

One of my dear friends Nicky “The Candyfloss Girl” is someone I will never ever forget. This post is dedicated to her as is the painting, which is of a young cheetah cub elegantly making her way along the savanna bathed in the evening sun.

Nicky always strives to be the best person for everyone, to keep everyone happy. When I first contacted her in 2007 she needed to be in many many places at once. I suspect that still remains the case in her busy life today. Something so many of us can probably relate to.

There is a wonderful benefit to be had from blogging, far more than I appreciated. I selfishly find it sad when friends move on & no longer share this blogy kingdom of cyber space, but there probably comes a time for all of us to move on one day.

Nicky has a heart of gold, totally honest. A warm spirited, sensitive, compassionate, creative woman whose “Love will find a way” to the happiness she deserves.

Her empathy & kindness were a shining light in the darkness during a very difficult time in both our lives. She encouraged me to look forward & not back, a habit I still find myself guilty of slipping in to sometimes. I have yet to discover "the Secret"! For her a new day in her new life has dawned & the sun has set on her blogging days. She is now able to make her way into the big wide world. You might just be able to follow her path by the crumbs from her cake; with a TARDIS for a tummy, she has the most amazingly trim figure, a beautiful person both inside & out!

Recently I had a land mark birthday. About the same time I was contacted by the lovely Calie asked if I would consider writing a post for T central A place originally created by another inspirational friend Lori D. When I am able to fully connect with my creativity I find it much easier to express myself through painting than the written word. Lori much like Nicky & Jo seem to have a gift to express themselves so ellequently in what ever creative medium they chose. In order to write the post I found myself reflecting on my experiences. An exert from the post on T central is below. Its relevant here as testimony to how valuable friends like Nicky are.

“When I was finally allowed to seek care from a gender specialist Dr Curtis London, in 2006, I discovered the answer to my eternal dilemma of “why or how do some people find themselves needing to transition”.

I broke down in tears during the appointment. At this point he explained he had come across a small number of transsexual patients who perhaps with low self esteem, had chosen to sacrifice their lives for their loved ones. He also suggested it may help for me to find like minded friends who may be experiencing similar challenges in their lives. How prophetic his words were.

These wise words initially broke me. When I got home that night for the first time in my life I found myself coldly & calmly planning my own suicide. For those in the UK with such things on there mind we have the Samaritans Thankfully I was not alone that night. I really did have Angels for friends. Life is so precious. His advice about finding friends who understood what it was like to experience GD was to transform my life. The empathy & kindness of those new friends I made at this traumatic stage in my life is something I will never ever forget.

I joined a support group called UK Angels & was blessed to find some wonderful supportive friends. I was so fortunate to join such a haven at this particular time. Gradually I began taking little steps forward. Facing those fears I had & growing with each challenge faced. Critically they were undertaken at a pace that was right for me & my loved ones. It was time for my life to blossom. I began pushing my boundaries more & more. I had always known of my condition but I was unsure if I could actually live the life I so longed for.

Inspired by kind hearted friends from all over the world, I was able to discover I had a spirit inside me I never dreamed possible.

We can be thousands of miles apart. Yet so close. We are all unique but perhaps share that time where we feel so isolated & alone, our wings caked in the oil that is our GD. Yet we have sisters, some so close in the same town or far away in another country, whose empathy helps us survive, to find the path that is right for us. We share the same tears. The love of those kindred spirits; keep us going, & will always share a place in our hearts.

There came a point in time when I finally felt ready to transition that for me really did feel like a leap of faith. Did my bell go off; did my own realization of mortality push me into being a late onset transitioner? I am not sure I will ever know.

One thing I do know is that my life was made all the richer for being blessed with a friend like dear Nicky "The Candyfloss Girl".

Debbie x