Tuesday, 28 October 2008
On September 30th 2008 my dear Mum & Dad will have been married 60 years. They met during the war at Hursley house where my Dad was an electrical apprentice & my Mum worked in one of the offices. I gave them this painting to celebrate their Golden Wedding Anniversary 10 years ago. It is based on an old sepia photograph my Dad still carries in his wallet of his true love. They were both in their early twenties when the photograph was taken. I added the background of Hursley house from a postcard. The building still exists today & from time to time I take them there to remenis & revive sweet memories.
None of us knew what the next ten years would hold for us. We are so lucky to still have each other. For my dear Parents who come from a different generation to have to go through & try to understand my condition is just too much to ask them to fully comprehend. Together we have survived a Tsunami of emotions made all the more stressful by their advanced years. How I tried to live to their wishes that I never transitioned while they were alive. Even last year they were pleading just one more year, let us reach our Diamond Anniversary. If I could I would have done. Blinded by love we all naively tried to do what we thought was the right thing for each other. Nature was always going to take its course & we were powerless to stop it..
I have never had a relationship, never mind the opportunity to marry some one. I have never dared let anyone get so close to me for fear of them discovering my truth, the real me. I was terrified of losing my loved ones from a very early age & the thought of losing someone I cared so deeply about, for living a lie was for me too much to bare. I could never have consummated a marriage not that I would ever have had the opportunity. You have to like/love yourself before there is much chance of anyone else truly loving you, I would imagine. I have been a coward as far as love goes. With my confused thoughts it was all too painful & just not an option in my case. My heart goes out to my sisters who have fallen in love & gone through my biggest nightmare & lost the family they dearly love, through no fault of their own..
Tonight I spent much of the evening comforting my Mum as she could not stop crying over her fears of losing my Dad. We are still awaiting the results of the scan. He appeared frail & weak while they were out shopping together for items for the party they are hoping to have with their friends to celebrate the anniversary this weekend. We have to treasure every moment we have left together & just pray he will get well..
In this day & age to achieve their Diamond Anniversary is a wonderful achievement..
The greatest Happiness in Life is to know that you are loved..
Peace be with you
Lots of love