Wednesday, 22 July 2009

A new dawn

It is is time for a new dawn. I have invested so much of my emotions in only one aspect of my life recently. I did not realise quite how empty, & depressed I would feel when that area of my life suffered such a heart breaking set back.
I have felt pain like never before. I have become fixated & in turn my unhealthy dependency , my deep seated fear of losing that special friendship, my neediness, may make me lose what I most want to hold on to. If I were to carry on like this I could lose so much more.

A new dawn is coming. I need to believe this. My intense emotions have exaggerated the peaks & troughs of the feelings I have been experiencing. I needed to find some stability. I have been blessed by my friends who have constantly been there for me. It has felt during my dark times that I had lost my Guardian Angel, the friend I hold so dear. I have had to keep my faith & the positive energy from my friends have kept me going through my darkness. They gave & continue to give so much even when they themselves have worries of their own & are often emotionally drained. I have not lost my guardian Angel, I still have my faith!
There has been too much negativity & self pity from me for which I am truly sorry. The melancholy has got to stop. I have grown through this difficult time & finally beginning to heal. I feel very humble. I had spent too long looking inwards. This week I have been doing a lot of voluntary work to keep busy but also to give something back. The panic, the fear which rises up inside me is gradually diminishing. My neediness is decreasing. I still feel vulnerable & have struggled at times to hold back my tears but I can begin to look outward again. I feel blessed & want to hold onto that feeling for as long as I can.

"Most sacred heart of Jesus I place all my trust in thee"

Bless you
(((((((((((((((((((((Peaceful thoughts)))))))))))))))))))))))


Josephine said...

That new Dawn...she's a great girl isn't she? ;-) She always turns up eventually...

Seriously - really please you're feeling about brighter honey. It's been tough for you all this, but I do believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - though it can take some time for that to feel true. And you are emerging stronger. Maybe learning about self reliance too, learning to trust that you do have the strength inside - just you - to chart your course?

Lovely pic too :-)

(Did Dawn take it?) ;-)

LucyTolliday said...

Positive thoughts to you as well Debbie. Your loss is very understandable and anybody would need time. Hopefully in the future a new person will come along to fill the void. In the meantime enjoy the new dawn.
Great picture by the way.

chrissie said...

Atta Girl, Debbie..!

I like the new colour on the blog, too.


Jess said...

A good place to put your trust...

Anji said...

You seem to be slowly picking your way through all the problems that life throws at you. I know that you will come though.

Debbie K said...

Thank you my friends
I managed to see some blue sky today for the first time in ages.
Bless you