I am due to be volunteering at the hospital all day tomorrow. I appreciated she could not say anything via email. I do not want to let anyone down & not be able to go in on Tuesday. I am not sure if I will be able to concentrate even if I get there but I will try as I may have to take some more time off in the near future. I will sleep on this as best I can & try to decide what is the best thing for me to do. I think I will be phoning my counsellor for advice as soon as I can. It is going to be a long night. My heart is telling me to attend my volunteer session & help out until mid afternoon. I will then probably go to my parents & phone her at a time that is convenient for her. I would not like to miss her & prolong the agony or keep her waiting. I would drive directly over to the hospital but if the news is as I fear it may be I am likely not to be safe to drive my car back home. At the moment I have an appointment to see my counsellor in London this Friday if I am well enough to travel. I am so sorry to have put the poor secretary in this rather difficult situation as she has been so supportive but I need to know my fate & at least the wait may soon be over.
By the end of Tuesday 17th March 2009 the doors to my destiny will be either open or jammed closed, hopefully not for ever. My pathway is out of my control, like so many other unfortunate souls. I am blessed in so many ways & so lucky but tomorrow is going to be a very big challenge. I have so few tears left to spill. I have found my journey has become very spiritual & must keep my faith in God & human nature.