Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Good news & prickly subjects

Our little friend is doing really well. He is healing fine & had his stitches out this Monday. As if the poor little love had not suffered enough with his op he let out such a pitiful scream in our back garden late on Thursday evening. In the dark of night Mum thought she must have accidentally trod on him.
My parents back garden has become something of a wildlife sanctuary. It was only the following evening when our corgi refused to come out of the kitchen door & go into the garden that we discovered we had a visitor. A delightful Hedgehog was running across our lawn. Our little Welsh lion cub must have been a bit too curious. No harm was done.
I sympathise with both of them. I can certainly relate to the hedge hogs defence mechanism of freezing in fear, curling up in a ball to protect itself & then fleeing. Little did he know our cub was more afraid of him. They both probably learned something from the encounter. My reaction to something new I am fear full about used to be to panic. That may still happen occasionally but there is a spiritual change within in me now. My self belief has given me a new confidence to be able to enjoy my life, face challenges & sometimes my fears. With each fear faced I learned from them like never before. Being true to your heart makes such a difference.
I spent a very rare warm sunny morning cutting the back garden for my parents. The lovely meadow is sadly no more. My parents are no longer able to look after the garden which is on a steep slope. I really struggled to drag the mower around. I really could have done with a nice man to help me. It was still fun. I had my shorts on & a summery top. My lilly white skin could do with a bit of sunshine.
I have been really busy recently hence the blog has been a little quiet. I have been trying to progress my return to work & signed up for a confidence building course. I hope to do my first ever volunteer duty as Debbie on August 4th at our local zoo.
It is our big art exhibition coming up soon. Another really exciting time. It is the biggest exhibition of wildlife art in Europe & has averaged sales of over £50,000 in recent years. For me it is not about money its about friendships & being part of something I care passionately about.
Right on the deadline I actually decided to put in an entry. This will be the first ever painting signed by Debbie in an exhibition. My creativity has been back for a while now but finding the time has been difficult with so much to do. I have waited for so much of my life to have this chance to finally be my true self & rather foolishly pushed myself to do my first proper painting in two years. I am very rusty & just hope I can create something acceptable that may be enjoyed.
My heart is telling me to carry on & support all our friends, as best I can, & endeavour to make this a successful exhibition for all who are involved. My head & most importantly my loved ones & the kind medical people who are all very pleased with my progress have constantly warned me about taking on too much, too soon. The last thing I want to do is let any one down. Good communication & trust are so important, at what has been an enjoyable but occasionally very stressful time.

My transition is going really well & my health is improving rapidly thanks to the wonderful support I have received.

Initially I had wanted to help out 24/7 this year but unfortunately due to my other current commitments, realistically, that is now going to be impossible.

I do not wish to resign but for the sake of my family, my health, my self esteem & our continued friendship, I need to be careful how much I take on. With that in mind I sadly needed to request a reduction in the time I will be able to spend helping at the exhibition. I have spoken with a dear friend who is a diplomatic Angel about this situation. She helps organise the tasks usually assumed to be best suited to females. What sexist bunkum. In reality we all like to help each other & often do. We live in an age of equality but some jobs are in an old fashioned kind of away, adjudged female & some male at our exhibition. How it hurt to always be assumed to be male & on the wrong side of the playful banter between the sexes. Not this year. Not any more. Yipeeeeeeeeee!
I am really pleased to be accepted as part of the female team. They have all been so kind to me. I am going to be meeting so many lovely friends, some for the first time as Debbie. I am going to be meeting ex colleagues from my previous career in shipbuilding design & also some from my volunteer time as Bob at the zoo. I will also get to meet the many guests, potential clients & general public who attend our show. It is going to be fun. A challenge. Normal life. A real life experience!
There is one prickly subject associated with the exhibition which happened at last years event which I cannot bring myself to talk about. It tragically caused life long friendships to be ruined. I never saw it coming. Thank heavens for true friends. It has caused my conscience & self esteem more problems than any of the TS issues I have just got on with. I have been unable to obtain any closure on the mater but now is not the time. Prickly subjects can wait. I have so much to live for.
Its Debbie's 2nd birthday this coming weekend.


Josephine said...

Happy Birthday this weekend Debbie :-) I'm so glad doggy is doing well!

And courage for your return to work on the 4th. I know you'll be OK honey. You've come such a long way...you have such resource inside. You can do it!

Jessica Hart said...

Oh Debbie, don't ever change - to extract such poetry and meaning from doggy v hedgehog - you're insights lighten my day!

alan said...

May your Birthday be the Happiest and the best yet!

I'm glad your little friend survived his encounter! I was envisioning all sorts of terrible things as you led into that part of your story!

I have occasionally been lucky enough to use a shutter and lens to capture something that stuns me; I can't imagine being able to do it with a brush or pencil. I hope you are pleased with all the glowing comments you deserve to hear!

Finally, may we somehow find a world where you don't have to worry about all those other things and may get along with the business of life without reason to fear it! This from one who has much less to fear than you and yet still does...

Thinking of you...


Anji said...

Life sounds as if it is falling into place for you. I expect you are really excited about the exhibition, I'm sure that your painting will be a success. Happy birthday for the weekend!

LucyTolliday said...

Happy Birthday for this weekend Debbie :-)

Our cat's were simally curious but seem to their distance when faced with a hedgehog. Ilove the comparison you make, I guess theres a bit in many of us that acts like a hedgehog.

It still is the way that many jobs are considered female jobs and I share your view that its sexist bunkum.

Good luck on the 4th, I'm sure you'll be great. :-)

Debbie K said...

Dear Jo, Jessica, Alan, Anji & Lucy

Thank you so much for all your kind words.

Bless you