Saturday, 12 July 2008

Wuff times

Right now I feel totally exhausted. A familiar theme for so many of our lives judging from a number of recent blogs entries I guess.

Personally I have been making really positive steps in recent times but I have had a lot of worries about family & friends since I last posted.

My dear Mums health has been my biggest worry. Bless her. We have all been concerned for our little doggy. He is part of our family. He is four years old now & has been having bad tummy problems for much of this year. We have been back & forth to the vets & he has the usual injections & tablets together with a special diet to cure it. This time they have not really worked. The vets have advised us he may need an operation.
My poor Mum has been frantic with worry & stressing herself out. This reached a head when while watching television one evening earlier this week she grabbed at her chest momentarily as a pain shot through her. She has a history of angina attacks & takes medication to ease the symptoms but does not use a spray as the attacks have been infrequent in recent times. She tried to play down the incident & seemed to stabilise very quickly. It was touch & go whether we should call an ambulance but there were no pins & needles or loss of feeling. Mum completely refused all our requests for her to get medical attention. She did not want a fuss made & only became more agitated at our concern. Reluctantly we agreed to her request & since then she has not appeared to have any more problems, or at least none that she has told us about. I cannot even get her to go to see her GP. If it were Dad or I she would be on the phone booking an appointment. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to her in the coming weeks. How I wish I could at least persuade her to go for a check up with her doctor.
If Olympic medals were awarded for worrying Mum & I would be among the favourites to win Gold, although knowing our luck more likely to finish fourth!
In all honesty because of my inability to ever have a family of my own & provide my dear Mum & Dad with the grandchildren they have longed for, we lavish our love on our pets. A precious childs life cannot possibly equate to that of a pet but for pet lovers that bond is very similar. Our latest bundle of furry fun, has been like a ray of sunshine. He arrived in our lives at a time when we never dared dream we could have another doggy. With the advanced age of my beloved elderly parents, in normal circumstances this would not have been possible. My parents knew how much we had grieved for our last doggy who had diabetes & required a lot of care. Four months after he passed away with my health in meltdown ,suffering from severe depression, by chance of fate an ad appeared in the local newspaper, advertising Corgi puppies. They were only one mile away from where my parents meet their friends at a club I take them to most weekends. My dear parents kindly agreed we could have him, providing I look after him & take him for walks. They did this just to try & lift my depression. Come rain or shine except for the odd times when I was just too ill he got me out in the fresh air for some exercise. My Dad comes too in the mornings, if he can & the weathers nice. He has very bad knees & sometimes cannot walk. It does us all good. Exercise & the companionship of a pet are in my humble opinion a far better way to lift mild depression than any medication. We all felt so Lucky to have him.
Yesterday I had to take our doggy to the vets for an ultra sound for which he needed to be anaesthetised for his own comfort during the procedure. I felt awful leaving him there, like I had done the dirty on my little buddy but we had to be cruel to be kind. He had been passing blood & becoming more aggressive towards other dogs & even us when he was in pain, the poor love. The veterinary staff were all so kind. After all the visits we had with our diabetic corgi this bought back all the memories. One nurse who became a good friend, still worked there. She knew about my situation but this was the first time she had met Debbie. We had shed many tears together over our last doggy, as towards the last year of his life, I was there every other day, getting treatment & checks done. Meeting her like this only heightened the emotions. Our latest little chap is already very nervous of going to the vets & I was welling up with tears as he looked up at me with his soulful sad eyes, pleading with me not to leave him. Our home was so quiet without him for 6 hours. The silence was deafening. None of us felt like eating anything for dinner & the clock seemed to stop ticking. Finally at three o'clock we could phone up to see if he was alright.
The vet assured us he is going to be fine & has nothing cancerous going on as far as they can tell. He has growths/cysts on his doggy prostrate & it is very swollen. This news combined with a problem with his intestines which requires further tests was not what we expected to hear but could have been a lot worse. The vet had prepared us for the likely hood he would possibly need to be castrated & the scan confirmed the excessive male hormones he was producing had been effecting his prostrate as well as his mood. He is such a proud little boy & if it was only a case of needing to be done to lower his aggression & change his moods I would have been against it but he has been in pain & discomfort & this has to be done. The poor little love is going to have an operation to remove his prostrate & castrate him in about 2 weeks time if he is well enough. Today he is bouncing around like a puppy, bless him. Mum seems to be dealing with the news quiet well & is good spirits thank goodness. I just hope she will be ok in the coming weeks. Ironically after my last posting he looks like he might be getting his op done before me. In jest I did warn him a few times when he growled at us occasionally & other dogs. Quite often, large dogs. I did try to warn him, bless him. We just want him well again & will all be so glad when its over, although our little mate may disagree!
I only have a small family, my dear Mum, Dad & the doggy. They are my world. In many ways there has been a role reversal in our relationship in the last ten years. I have become much more responsible for looking after my parents, when my health permitted. They have done so much for me & should be able to relax & take things more easy at their time in life. Instead of which they have to deal with the oldest teenage daughter in the world! We care for each other deeply & have so much to be grateful for. Our close relationship & precious time together, is sadly becoming much more of a rarity in the nuclear family.
Family life sure has its challenges. OMG I cannot imagine how on earth you cope when you have real children to worry about & not just a family pet. I would have loved to be a Mum but it was just not meant to be. My parents & I have gotten over that sadness & have come to accept it may have been for a reason. I fear, had I been fortunate enough to have had a family of my own, they would have been at risk of being smothered & over protected with our love, which is not a good thing. After nurturing a child & investing all that love & effort, you have to hope you have equipped them with all the skills to blossom & have a fulfilled life. There comes a time when you have to let your children go. Part of the problems I have encountered with the relationship I have with my parents is that I have never really been able to separate our lives & build an independent life. That has led to our close relationship becoming a little unhealthy for all of us, at times. Getting the balance right must be so hard to achieve. It is no wonder my parents decided one child was enough!
I having nothing but admiration & respect for good parents who are devoted to doing the right thing for their children, no matter what their circumstances. It takes a really special person to be a good parent. I think you are all amazing.


Kate Phizackerley said...

Sorry Debbie I am just catching up on my reading. Hope he is OK


PS Just because you will never be a birth mother doesn't mean you will never be a mother. If you meet a nice man he may well have children already!

K x

Anji said...

Your painting of you dog is so true to life! I hope that he's comfortable now.

Thank you for the praise though I often doubt my abilities as a good parent. I must admit I didn't realise it would be harder as my children grew older.

Kate is right perhaps one day you will meet a nice man with children...

LucyTolliday said...

Thank you for the welcome earlier. Hope he's fine.
I can only repeat Kate and Anji's comments, I'm sure you'd be a great mother. I think the same things about parents, I wonder how my sister does it.