Saturday, 2 August 2008

Hearbreaking

We had a mini family crisis this morning, our doggy has been sick but ours is a very minuscule problem & put completely in perspective by the heartbreaking news I have just received from a dear friend. She has been so courageous, so brave. There are no words I can say to ease her pain.
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I have such empathy for this friend. She has lived a life I was too scared to because of where it could end. No one would want to watch a film of my life, it would be so boring & full of self pity, with no direction. I should know I was supposed to be in it. In a way it is almost as though I have never lived even though I appreciate I have so much to be grateful for. My friends life appears so much more fulfilled & that makes natures little trick even crueler. She has so much more to lose. Some young women who are born with our condition find they need to transition very much earlier in life. Occasionally the less compassionate ones cannot relate to the trauma & tribulations of those of us who find we need to transition later in life & have a family to think about. I cannot imagine a sane person would chose to transition it's a case of needing to & live through a potential tsunami or....... I hope & pray my dear friend can re write the script to her life & have a happy ending. If any one can she can. She deserves to be happy.
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I have had to spend this morning at the vets with our little corgi. Thankfully he has been thoroughly checked over & he has been given the all clear. He has had a jab to settle his tummy & he may go back again on Monday. The little lad is part of our family. We have never been able to book up anything in recent years for our birthdays as we have had a period where we always had to cancel trips out. Our life has existed on a day to day basis for so long as one of us is often poorly. At least we still have each other. Our birthdays would be meaningless without our family. We will all stay together & have a fish & chip dinner at home to mark my birthday which is fine. I am not sure if I can even bring myself to eat it.
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This life can change so quickly. How I wish I had not posted my positive words on the eve of my birthday, they have come back to haunt me, as I feared they would.
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My thoughts & prayers are with our dear friend.
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God Bless
Love
Debbie

7 comments:

Anji said...

Happy birthday Debbie. I'm sorry that your little dog has been ill enough to cause such concern again.

I think that I know which friend you are thinking about. I'm sure that she would be concerned that her problems have spoilt your birthday. You are both such good kind people. I can only hope that my words can help a little.

Try to enjoy your fish and chips!

hugs

Nicky Susanti said...

Happy birthday debbie...

I too know of whom you speak. You're both lovely people.
I have tried to call you this week, and will try again.
Enjoy those fish & chips (my favourite).

Josephine said...

Debbie, my dear dear friend. It makes me happy in the thought that you can have a nice birthday. Birthdays are fun, and you yourself have been through the mincing machine just as much as I, and have emerged strong and whole and you. Your strength gives me courage.

So enjoy yourself darling. And the very best for Monday, and I'm sorry I can't be there after all. It's just you know...I have to regather, mend a bit. I have a major work thing coming up on Wednesday and Thursday in which I am leading a workshop in London and I must get my head straight and become strong once more for that.

Debbie K said...

Hi Anji, Nicky & Jo
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I had a very nice birthday.
Our little dog is still a worry. He is very lethargic & showing signs of depression, although thankfully no more sickness.
It is our turn to lift his spirits for a change, the poor lad.
I think he is probably adjusting to his new hormone levels & hopefully he will settle down.
What a mixed up family we are.

One day I would love to do a job in the caring professions but I think that could be tricky as I am too sensitive & perhaps care too much.

My friend did not spoil my birthday it was down to me & my emotions. I care about my friends so much & always will.

Anji your kind words are soooooo appreciated, bless you.

Thank you so much for trying to contact me Nicky. I am really busy just now but I guess compared to your life I have it quite easy. I hope all goes well for you in the coming weeks.

Jo my friend. Please do not blame yourself in the slightest for my concern. I am much stronger now. We have to be. Its hard to pick yourself up some times but we will.

Anxiety & compassion are something that are always going to be part of me.
I hope & pray things will improve for you & good luck with the workstuff.

Love
Debbie

alan said...

Someone I always thought highly of was once asked what she thought the most powerful word in the English language was.

Her answer?

"Empathy"!

There are those in this world who care and love with the depth of their being; though it causes you pain I wish it didn't, I can't imagine you not being one of them!

In spite of what some might not consider a gift, you still reach out and care and give; you are a rarity on this Earth and I love you for being you!

I'm glad you had a Happy Birthday despite everything!

alan

alan said...

Missing you...thinking of you!

alan

Debbie K said...

Dear Alan
Thank you so much for your kind remarks. Forgive me for not replying earlier but the last week has been quite eventful.
Bless you

Love
Debbie