We had a mini family crisis this morning, our doggy has been sick but ours is a very minuscule problem & put completely in perspective by the heartbreaking news I have just received from a dear friend. She has been so courageous, so brave. There are no words I can say to ease her pain.
.
I have such empathy for this friend. She has lived a life I was too scared to because of where it could end. No one would want to watch a film of my life, it would be so boring & full of self pity, with no direction. I should know I was supposed to be in it. In a way it is almost as though I have never lived even though I appreciate I have so much to be grateful for. My friends life appears so much more fulfilled & that makes natures little trick even crueler. She has so much more to lose. Some young women who are born with our condition find they need to transition very much earlier in life. Occasionally the less compassionate ones cannot relate to the trauma & tribulations of those of us who find we need to transition later in life & have a family to think about. I cannot imagine a sane person would chose to transition it's a case of needing to & live through a potential tsunami or....... I hope & pray my dear friend can re write the script to her life & have a happy ending. If any one can she can. She deserves to be happy.
.
I have had to spend this morning at the vets with our little corgi. Thankfully he has been thoroughly checked over & he has been given the all clear. He has had a jab to settle his tummy & he may go back again on Monday. The little lad is part of our family. We have never been able to book up anything in recent years for our birthdays as we have had a period where we always had to cancel trips out. Our life has existed on a day to day basis for so long as one of us is often poorly. At least we still have each other. Our birthdays would be meaningless without our family. We will all stay together & have a fish & chip dinner at home to mark my birthday which is fine. I am not sure if I can even bring myself to eat it.
.
This life can change so quickly. How I wish I had not posted my positive words on the eve of my birthday, they have come back to haunt me, as I feared they would.
.
My thoughts & prayers are with our dear friend.
.
God Bless
Love
Debbie
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NHS Volunteer Magazine
One of the first ever photos of Debbie
This is the photo I gave to my parents when I finally came out to them in 1996
The day I started hormones our lives changed for ever. Screams, dreams, denial & acceptance. the journey begins!
So happy to be True to my heart
My buddy, my little ray of sunshine. we never thought we would have another doggy then this little guy entered our lives.
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I cross the stream - I have a dream
I cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I cross the stream - I have a dream
Il cross the stream - I have a dream
The humble journey of a shy & devoted daughter on a voyage of self discovery. Guided by an enlightened human spirit, on a sea of love, provided by wonderful parents & true friends, who have all so kindly held out their hands & all touched my heart. Always trying her best to do the right thing for her family & friends. Life for me is like drawing without an eraser. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essentially invisible to the eye.
Inspiring video
Thought for today
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
(Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
(Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
Debbie September 2009
NHS Volunteer Magazine
Followers
About Me
- Debbie K
- Hi, I'm Debbie. I am 40 something years old, and I consider myself a creative and caring person. I live my life for my family.I love life even though I have been through years of depression. I have taken lots of little steps & gradually faced my fears because I needed to. My brain is now almost in perfect harmony with my soul. I am traveling the right path. My true destiny. I can feel emotions & see again, both the beautiful & the simple things in life. I am very shy and sensitive; which makes my life quite a challenge. I used to be a ghost now I am just soooo happy to be alive. I am as honest as they come, but I have lived a lie for far too long. Put simply, I was born with the wrong body. I am a person - not a label. At last I am being true to myself, following my heart and soul. Thanks to the love and support of my dear Mum and Dad - and my special friends - I can finally be true to my heart!
Debbie April 2008
My friends are my Angels
Echo's from my past, present & future
- U2 Bad "let it go"
- Lucie Silvas "Guardian Angel"
- John Barry "Out of Africa"
- Mamma Mia "I have a dream!"
- Miley Cyrus "The Climb"
- Coldplay "Yellow"
- Natalie Imbruglia "Torn"
- The Cars "Drive"
- Blur "Girls & Boys"
- Madonna "The power of Goodbye"
- Robbie Williams "Angels"
- James "Sit down"
- Celine Dion "My heart will go on"
- Kings of Leon "Use Somebody"
- Marvin Gaye "Heard it through the grapevine"
- The Charlatans "weirdo"
- "Whats that coming over the hill"
- Nirvana "Teen Spirit"
- Seal "Crazy"
- John Williams "ET"
- Cyndi Lauper "Girls just want to have fun"
- Shakespeares sister "Stay with me"
- Bon Jovi "Living on a prayer"
- Katie Melua "The closest thing to crazy
- Eva Cassidy "Songbird"
- David Bowie "Heroes"
- U2 "With or without you"
- Toyah "I want to be free"
- James Blunt "Beautiful"
- Judy Tzuke "Stay with me till dawn"
- Frankie Goes to Hollywood "Power of love"
- Simple Minds "Dont you forget about me"
- Freddy Mercury "Days of our lives"
- Matt Mumro "Born Free"
- Annie Lennox "Why"
- Soft cell "Tainted Love"
- Lightning seeds "Coming home" "Robs last stand"
- Talkingheads "Road to no where"
Thought for today
"I have always been a lover of life, even though I have been through depression. I now know that you've got to take it day by day, minute by minute, wait for your brain to catch up with your heart & you will find the beautiful things in life again"
by Trisha Goddard
by Trisha Goddard
My transition in photos :-
One of the first ever photos of Debbie
Debbie 17th November 1996
This is the photo I gave to my parents when I finally came out to them in 1996
Gender Dysphoria 19th Nov 96
The day I started hormones our lives changed for ever. Screams, dreams, denial & acceptance. the journey begins!
Debbie April 2007
So happy to be True to my heart
So Lucky
My buddy, my little ray of sunshine. we never thought we would have another doggy then this little guy entered our lives.
True friends
I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I cross the stream - I have a dream
I cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I cross the stream - I have a dream
Il cross the stream - I have a dream
Positive thoughts
The one who takes your hand but touches your heart is a true Friend
You cannot change the weather but you can change your thoughts
We seldom think of what we have, but always think of what we miss.
Feel the fear & do it anyway by Francis Jeffers.
Don‘t cry because it’s over now, laugh because it happened
The more precisely you plan, the harder destiny will hit you
What happens, happens for a reason
Don't make an effort because the best things happen, when you least expect them
The greatest events aren't the loudest, but the most quiet hours
The most difficult lesson to learn is: Which bridge in life to use or which one to break off
Everybody sees how you seem, however, only some know who you are
He who would like to have something he never had, will have to do something well, that he hasn’t done yet
Perhaps God would want you to become acquainted with many different people in the course of your life, so that when you meet the right ones, you can appreciate and be grateful for them
Plan for tomorrow but LIVE for today
Love doesn't require two people look at each other, but that they look together in the same direction. (Antoine de Saint Exupery)
Life is drawing without an eraser
I wish you always: Air to breath, Fire to warm you, Water to drink and The earth to live in.
"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? " by Marriame Williamson
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
5. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8..Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12.Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.Â
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
21. Spend some time alone.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Just live your dream.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson………….
Follow the three R’s:
Ø Respect for Self,
Ø Respect for Others and
Ø Responsibility for all your Actions
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don’t give up your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the Earth.
Once a year, go some place you’ve never been before.
Remember the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the strength within you that survives all the hurt.”
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box. - Unknown
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
"As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has-or ever will have-something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression."
"Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort."
The golden rule of conduct, therefore, is mutual toleration, seeing that we will never all think alike and we shall see Truth in fragment and from different angles of vision~
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. "~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart."
- St. Francis of Assisi
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essentially invisible to the eye."Antoine De Saint-Exuper
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that" ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”(Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
Wise words by Tess on Angels
Sometimes when we stand on the edge of something new, even of something we have planned and wished and hoped for for years, the immensity of the step before us is paralysing.
Whatever it is we are leaving behind it is familiar. It may have been warm and comfortable, but wrong; it may have been an awful place that we have been desperate to leave. Whichever it is it is what we have known and its boundaries, its dangers and its comforts are well-known. However horrible it is we are safe there, we have routines and we are habituated to it.
Standing on the edge of the new life, with our wings spread is the worst moment of all. Below us is the unknown and we will be stepping away from everything that was once reliable. Here, at this moment, we can step back. We can say “No.” After all we have survived here for so long. Curling back onto a ball will make the fear go away and the familiar come back.
But what if this chance only ever comes once? All that time spent dreaming, planning and preparing, all the effort we have put into getting to this point that was about what might be; the things that we want. These plans have been built with hope, with love and with excitement. If we don’t take that chance, seize this opportunity there is no reason why we cannot plan it all again. We will always have that plan, we can enact it anytime. But deep inside we know that the chance has gone, that it will never happen now. So when we dream and plan even prepare we are no longer building with hope, we are building with regret. And nothing good has ever been built with regret.
You cannot change the weather but you can change your thoughts
We seldom think of what we have, but always think of what we miss.
Feel the fear & do it anyway by Francis Jeffers.
Don‘t cry because it’s over now, laugh because it happened
The more precisely you plan, the harder destiny will hit you
What happens, happens for a reason
Don't make an effort because the best things happen, when you least expect them
The greatest events aren't the loudest, but the most quiet hours
The most difficult lesson to learn is: Which bridge in life to use or which one to break off
Everybody sees how you seem, however, only some know who you are
He who would like to have something he never had, will have to do something well, that he hasn’t done yet
Perhaps God would want you to become acquainted with many different people in the course of your life, so that when you meet the right ones, you can appreciate and be grateful for them
Plan for tomorrow but LIVE for today
Love doesn't require two people look at each other, but that they look together in the same direction. (Antoine de Saint Exupery)
Life is drawing without an eraser
I wish you always: Air to breath, Fire to warm you, Water to drink and The earth to live in.
"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? " by Marriame Williamson
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
5. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8..Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12.Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.Â
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
21. Spend some time alone.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Just live your dream.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson………….
Follow the three R’s:
Ø Respect for Self,
Ø Respect for Others and
Ø Responsibility for all your Actions
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don’t give up your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the Earth.
Once a year, go some place you’ve never been before.
Remember the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the strength within you that survives all the hurt.”
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box. - Unknown
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
"As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has-or ever will have-something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression."
"Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort."
The golden rule of conduct, therefore, is mutual toleration, seeing that we will never all think alike and we shall see Truth in fragment and from different angles of vision~
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. "~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart."
- St. Francis of Assisi
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essentially invisible to the eye."Antoine De Saint-Exuper
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that" ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
The golden rule of conduct, therefore, is mutual toleration, seeing that we will never all think alike and we shall see Truth in fragment and from different angles of vision~
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. "~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart."
- St. Francis of Assisi
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do"
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't"
"Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world"
"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision"
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you will be criticied anyway. You will be damned if you do & damned if you don't.
Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
I could not at any age be content to take my place & sit in a corner by the fireplace & simply look on.
I think some how we learn who we really are & then live with that decission.
If someone betrays you once, its their fault; if they betray you twice, its your fault.
It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.
Justice cannot be done for one side alone, but must be for both.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all your self.
Life was meant to be lived & curiousity must be kept alive.
One must never for whatever reason turn his back on life.
One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly & without fear for newer & richerr experience.
You gain strength, courage & confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you cannot.
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly & courageously. This is how character is built.
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.-Danny Kaye
Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.-Hans Christian Anderson
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.-Marie Curie
Once more my dear friends unto the breach.-William Shakspeare
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.- Maureen Dowd
All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them.- Walt Disney
The hard way is the right way- John Alves
The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.- Virginia Woolf
A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today the way you are.
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”(Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
Wise words by Tess on Angels
Sometimes when we stand on the edge of something new, even of something we have planned and wished and hoped for for years, the immensity of the step before us is paralysing.
Whatever it is we are leaving behind it is familiar. It may have been warm and comfortable, but wrong; it may have been an awful place that we have been desperate to leave. Whichever it is it is what we have known and its boundaries, its dangers and its comforts are well-known. However horrible it is we are safe there, we have routines and we are habituated to it.
Standing on the edge of the new life, with our wings spread is the worst moment of all. Below us is the unknown and we will be stepping away from everything that was once reliable. Here, at this moment, we can step back. We can say “No.” After all we have survived here for so long. Curling back onto a ball will make the fear go away and the familiar come back.
But what if this chance only ever comes once? All that time spent dreaming, planning and preparing, all the effort we have put into getting to this point that was about what might be; the things that we want. These plans have been built with hope, with love and with excitement. If we don’t take that chance, seize this opportunity there is no reason why we cannot plan it all again. We will always have that plan, we can enact it anytime. But deep inside we know that the chance has gone, that it will never happen now. So when we dream and plan even prepare we are no longer building with hope, we are building with regret. And nothing good has ever been built with regret.
7 comments:
Happy birthday Debbie. I'm sorry that your little dog has been ill enough to cause such concern again.
I think that I know which friend you are thinking about. I'm sure that she would be concerned that her problems have spoilt your birthday. You are both such good kind people. I can only hope that my words can help a little.
Try to enjoy your fish and chips!
hugs
Happy birthday debbie...
I too know of whom you speak. You're both lovely people.
I have tried to call you this week, and will try again.
Enjoy those fish & chips (my favourite).
Debbie, my dear dear friend. It makes me happy in the thought that you can have a nice birthday. Birthdays are fun, and you yourself have been through the mincing machine just as much as I, and have emerged strong and whole and you. Your strength gives me courage.
So enjoy yourself darling. And the very best for Monday, and I'm sorry I can't be there after all. It's just you know...I have to regather, mend a bit. I have a major work thing coming up on Wednesday and Thursday in which I am leading a workshop in London and I must get my head straight and become strong once more for that.
Hi Anji, Nicky & Jo
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I had a very nice birthday.
Our little dog is still a worry. He is very lethargic & showing signs of depression, although thankfully no more sickness.
It is our turn to lift his spirits for a change, the poor lad.
I think he is probably adjusting to his new hormone levels & hopefully he will settle down.
What a mixed up family we are.
One day I would love to do a job in the caring professions but I think that could be tricky as I am too sensitive & perhaps care too much.
My friend did not spoil my birthday it was down to me & my emotions. I care about my friends so much & always will.
Anji your kind words are soooooo appreciated, bless you.
Thank you so much for trying to contact me Nicky. I am really busy just now but I guess compared to your life I have it quite easy. I hope all goes well for you in the coming weeks.
Jo my friend. Please do not blame yourself in the slightest for my concern. I am much stronger now. We have to be. Its hard to pick yourself up some times but we will.
Anxiety & compassion are something that are always going to be part of me.
I hope & pray things will improve for you & good luck with the workstuff.
Love
Debbie
Someone I always thought highly of was once asked what she thought the most powerful word in the English language was.
Her answer?
"Empathy"!
There are those in this world who care and love with the depth of their being; though it causes you pain I wish it didn't, I can't imagine you not being one of them!
In spite of what some might not consider a gift, you still reach out and care and give; you are a rarity on this Earth and I love you for being you!
I'm glad you had a Happy Birthday despite everything!
alan
Missing you...thinking of you!
alan
Dear Alan
Thank you so much for your kind remarks. Forgive me for not replying earlier but the last week has been quite eventful.
Bless you
Love
Debbie
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