The weirdest thing is happening to me. I just need to record this/share this. All the Ts stuff I thought would be such a big deal & so hard for someone with so little confidence to be true to their heart is totally inconsequential. So right, so easy. In what is a period of rapid personal growth & change, its personal friendships that are really troubling me.
The biggest pressure I face right now is maintaining the friendship I have with my best friend. Because of an awful situation caused by the bad behaviour of a mutual friend last year at the end of our annual exhibition which totally divided some friendships including mine with him, its spread like a cancer through so many friendships. We could not see it at first & when its impact on our close friendship became clear it semed too late. I was becoming quite emotional just writing this garbled message & stopped mid sentence to phone my girlfriend. I care so so much about my friends, the person who caused this rift which has recently spread to the relationship I have with my best friend, is the complete opposite. They use their friends for what they can get out of them. I had the most wonderful open, clear the air talk with my girl friend. I should explain our friendship is purely platonic but our friendship is sooooooooooo important to me. I have never ever in my life let anyone get so close to me, the real me. Trusted some one with my life & connected with them in this way. We are fine again. In fact stronger than ever. She half jokingly said we can growl at each other & its soon forgotten its just this exhibition period. She has been like a guardian angel to me in my darkest hours of recent years. It actually shows she knows I am mentally stronger now. As I say weird stuff but its real life stuff not T.
The biggest pressure I face right now is maintaining the friendship I have with my best friend. Because of an awful situation caused by the bad behaviour of a mutual friend last year at the end of our annual exhibition which totally divided some friendships including mine with him, its spread like a cancer through so many friendships. We could not see it at first & when its impact on our close friendship became clear it semed too late. I was becoming quite emotional just writing this garbled message & stopped mid sentence to phone my girlfriend. I care so so much about my friends, the person who caused this rift which has recently spread to the relationship I have with my best friend, is the complete opposite. They use their friends for what they can get out of them. I had the most wonderful open, clear the air talk with my girl friend. I should explain our friendship is purely platonic but our friendship is sooooooooooo important to me. I have never ever in my life let anyone get so close to me, the real me. Trusted some one with my life & connected with them in this way. We are fine again. In fact stronger than ever. She half jokingly said we can growl at each other & its soon forgotten its just this exhibition period. She has been like a guardian angel to me in my darkest hours of recent years. It actually shows she knows I am mentally stronger now. As I say weird stuff but its real life stuff not T.
Their is also something happening with a long term friendship I have had with a male friend this week which is so different to what I expected. In a nice way. Oh & my four legged friend is missing Debbie as I explore my new world, & I feel like I am neglecting him too. This post makes even less sense than usual as I hurriedly blogged this & may expand on it later or may be its time I too shut my blog & re opened in the real world or a funny farm?I have not been using artificial stimulants, alcohol etc honest, just high on life!
Its good to talk.
Love Debbie
Its good to talk.
Love Debbie
4 comments:
People that will stick by us in that darkest hour are rare in this life; I'm glad you have at least one!
You make perfect sense...please don't just disappear, though? Please?
alan
Alan is right: it does make perfect sense. But what is more important is that now the T stuff is no longer dragging you down I think your life is starting to make sense too.
Kate
I understand too. Talking is so important - It's good you have a true special friend.
I'm looking forward to reading about 'the new adventures of Debbie'!
Thank you so much Alan, Kate & Anji
I cried reading your kind replies. They were so astute. I have finally arrived at a place I have never ever been at before in my entire life. I am finally me.
Bless your hearts for supporting me so much when I needed it most.
Lots of love
Debbie
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