Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Its good to talk

The weirdest thing is happening to me. I just need to record this/share this. All the Ts stuff I thought would be such a big deal & so hard for someone with so little confidence to be true to their heart is totally inconsequential. So right, so easy. In what is a period of rapid personal growth & change, its personal friendships that are really troubling me.

The biggest pressure I face right now is maintaining the friendship I have with my best friend. Because of an awful situation caused by the bad behaviour of a mutual friend last year at the end of our annual exhibition which totally divided some friendships including mine with him, its spread like a cancer through so many friendships. We could not see it at first & when its impact on our close friendship became clear it semed too late. I was becoming quite emotional just writing this garbled message & stopped mid sentence to phone my girlfriend. I care so so much about my friends, the person who caused this rift which has recently spread to the relationship I have with my best friend, is the complete opposite. They use their friends for what they can get out of them. I had the most wonderful open, clear the air talk with my girl friend. I should explain our friendship is purely platonic but our friendship is sooooooooooo important to me. I have never ever in my life let anyone get so close to me, the real me. Trusted some one with my life & connected with them in this way. We are fine again. In fact stronger than ever. She half jokingly said we can growl at each other & its soon forgotten its just this exhibition period. She has been like a guardian angel to me in my darkest hours of recent years. It actually shows she knows I am mentally stronger now. As I say weird stuff but its real life stuff not T.
Their is also something happening with a long term friendship I have had with a male friend this week which is so different to what I expected. In a nice way. Oh & my four legged friend is missing Debbie as I explore my new world, & I feel like I am neglecting him too. This post makes even less sense than usual as I hurriedly blogged this & may expand on it later or may be its time I too shut my blog & re opened in the real world or a funny farm?I have not been using artificial stimulants, alcohol etc honest, just high on life!

Its good to talk.

Love Debbie


alan said...

People that will stick by us in that darkest hour are rare in this life; I'm glad you have at least one!

You make perfect sense...please don't just disappear, though? Please?


Kate Phizackerley said...

Alan is right: it does make perfect sense. But what is more important is that now the T stuff is no longer dragging you down I think your life is starting to make sense too.


Anji said...

I understand too. Talking is so important - It's good you have a true special friend.

I'm looking forward to reading about 'the new adventures of Debbie'!

Debbie K said...

Thank you so much Alan, Kate & Anji

I cried reading your kind replies. They were so astute. I have finally arrived at a place I have never ever been at before in my entire life. I am finally me.

Bless your hearts for supporting me so much when I needed it most.

Lots of love