Sunday, 1 November 2009

Treasured memories:-

I wish to dedicate this post to my beloved Auntie Peg. My Mums sister, my Auntie Peg passed away this day the 1st Nov 1979 at the age of 53. We will never ever forget her. She was a wonderful sister & the kindest of Aunties.

She had been suffering terribly from kidney failure & unable to have a transplant had been put on prescribed experimental drugs in hospital to prolong her life. Between Dialysis treatments she returned home in a terrible state & tragically took her own life. My dear Mum took a telephone call which was silent that morning which she has remembered for the rest of her life. She was so close to her sister & loved her dearly. My Mum has only recently just begun to find some kind of closure such has been her grief. My beloved Aunties suicide & the pain & suffering it caused my dear Mum undoubtedly helped save my life when I have been in turmoil over my gender issues.

I have witnessed first hand the pain & anguish my Mum has gone through. The tragic reasons my Auntie took her own life & the heatache suicide can cause to those who are left. As a consequence of our experience I have always felt responsible for trying to make my Mum happy. In many ways that has become how I feel about all my friends who I value dearly. I just wish you could all be happy. In reality I appreciate we cannot be responsible for how other people feel but it does not stop us caring.

My relationship with my Mum is so close, just as my Mums had probably been with her sister. Each year I have visited my dear Aunties grave to pray for her. I promised my Auntie through my prayers that I would always look after her sister. For many years I had told her in prayer of my anguish of not wishing to hurt my Mum by divulging my condition to her. How I had tried to live to my parents wishes to not transition while they were alive. Yesterday I visited my Aunties grave to pay my respects & to share with her my life affirming news that I would be having my GRS this Tuesday. I thanked her with all my heart for giving me a chance of the life I have now.

God Bless you Auntie Peg.

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