As I went to open the car door something did not seem right & it was then that I heard a crackling sound of rapidly shattering glass from the side window behind the drivers door. Followed by the sound of what appeared to be the perpetrator of the crime climbing over the back fence in the shadows. I guess our security spotlight which normally comes on when there is movement may have disturbed him first as I activated it walking past my flat. I was a mixture of frightened & angry. I could not make any sense of it all. There were far nicer cars near by in more vulnerable dimly lit places that they had not touched which worried me a lot once the panic set him.
I was worrying about my parents waiting for me & the paranoia that this could just be the start of a hate crime, started to set in. I felt so vulnerable. I was afraid they would attack my home while I was gone. I took a chance & decided to drive the car the short distance up the road back to my parents home. The window which was still alive with the sound of splintering glass sound, some how managed not to fall out.
I was afraid that if it was yobs walking up the road that did it, they may finish the job of when I went off to get my parents. More paranoia. I rushed to Mum & Dads next door neighbours for help & they calmed me down. They kindly offered to keep an eye on the car while I went off 20 minutes late to get my worried sick Mum & Dad from their evening out. They & their friends were just relieved I was ok. It could so easily have been worse than just damage to property.
My biggest fear in transitioning has always been that my dear parents would suffer any kind of abuse because of me. I had a sleepless night blaming myself & cursed myself for not taking my own car instead of using Dads. My car is our run around & sometimes grubby with Corgi fur & the mud & stuff we bring back on our feet from our walks together. We keep Dads for best & as they were going out to see their friends for their weekly Saturday night get together I chose to take my Dads. At least then the batteries charged up as he hardly ever drives now (less than 100 miles in the last two year, 40,000 genuine miles on the clock). Not that he needs to drive, as I willingly take them everywhere they need.
In the cold light of today it was clearly just a simple case of car crime. It will only cost £100 to fix & so it is not worth claiming on insurance. The mental stress on my family & I was a far bigger worry.
After the phone calls I spent some time cleaning up the broken glass on my hands & knee's this morning outside my parents house as most of the window has now collapsed. I booked the repair to be done & then just to finish the morning off, my dear Mum became distressed. She started blaming me for the damage happening which did not help. She was only voicing the fears that I had for so long believed were my own. Those fears in some small way may have helped to hold me back from transitioning. I have been worried about her as she has not been herself all weekend & she is very tired. I just wanted to comfort her & make things right but she had become upset possibly at hearing me having to tell the police her son was transsexual but more likely like me her fears of our family being hurt because of my condition. I could not reason with her when she is like this & so I thought it best I leave & give them some space. So I spent some time back at my flat. At least I could do some more bloging. Much more fun than the housework I really should be doing!
At the combined age of 163 years this was another challenging day in the life of my dear family, that I so wished they had not had to experience.
I was hoping to write about something normal for a change, not Ts or GD related. All this gender stuff seems to involve so much whining & self pity. It gets boring. I am sorry to pour it all out yet again. I an actually fine now & so are my dear parents.
My heart goes out to any one who suffers crime but hate crime in particular. It must be a nightmare for the poor loves.
Yesterday had started off so lovely. I received my new name badge from my art society which was really poignant for me & meant so much. I had lots of normal stuff to do, the weekly shop & paying bills. I had another amusing phone conversation I never dreamed I would never have. I was talking to Mum about our shopping list when she kindly reminded me to remember to take back a skirt that I had recently bought that did not fit properly. Just going out & about doing every day things as our true selves is heaven. Even food shopping!