The Good, the Bad & the Ugly Part 3

The Good the Bad & the ugly “The very Ugly” Trilogy

Part 3
THE VERY UGLY
4th August - present time

The picture on the left was taken in January 08 of me 3 days after ten hours of facial feminisation surgery.

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The swelling caused by an insect bite on the right hand side of my face this week caused part of my face particularly my jaw to swell up far more than it did after surgery.

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I have been too upset to have my picture taken this week & so I have had to make do with this frightening image.

I am finally responding to treatment now. I will be ok. So please do not worry about me if you are kind enough to read this blog.


The whole right hand side of my face at the jaw line & up to my cheek was hideously swollen. My jaw looked ultra masculine in a “Desperate Dan” cartoon character way. The area right by my chin implant was the size of half an orange, yet I did not feel any pain just a slight discomfort, until I saw the swelling. I was distraught. All my gender dysphoric symptoms came back. I was actually more disfigured than when I first came round after my facial feminization surgery which has taken 5 months to really settle down.
My Mum had palpation's when she heard me scream out in terror. All of a sudden our world was crashing down. The last thing I wanted to do was alarm my dear parents. I managed to convince my Mum it would be ok she thankfully settled down. I had been to Malaria ridden places in Africa several times & never been bitten. I felt nothing more than a slight itch on my cheek while we I was out with our dog. How could this happen? The swelling was even worse by morning. I had a tearful sleepless night but managed to avoid going to casualty. Luckily I was able to see my own GP in the morning. At least he knew what I looked like before my face swelled up.

My GP was unsure if the swelling was caused by an abscess or an allergic reaction to a bite. He prescribed some anti-biotic tablets, 2 four times a day, which was the highest dose he could risk giving me. He was concerned the implant could be dislodged if the swelling became any worse. The tablets have a side effect of giving you a bad tummy & causing nausea. I would have taken anything at that point.

I had just had the most incredible two days & made the most wonderful progress & in an instant it felt like it had all gone.
I am due to help out at our big wildlife exhibition in just over a weeks time. I was hoping to meet many of my art society friends, ex colleagues , for the first time as my true self a woman, not to mention the general public, in less than ten days time. I was so looking forward to attending the three private view evenings which will seem to me “the oldest teenager in the world” like three prom nights.

All the insecurities & self pity came back to the surface. I felt ugly inside & out. I hated myself & could not bare any one to see me. On top of that my stomach feels like it has razor blades for lining. I was unable to walk very far because of the stomach cramps & reluctantly had to let my dear elderly Dad walk our doggy. Boy did I feel ugly!

My life had gone from eurphoria on the Monday, happily painting most of the day & chating to the lovely Nicky Tuesday evening. Everything in the garden was Rosey & then utter turmoil in the blink of an eye at 10.45 Tuesday evening.

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After nearly three days of a seven day course of treatment the swelling has thankfully receded & almost gone. I can see the bite marks by my chin quite clearly. It was only this morning that I could really start to see Debbie re-appearing & not "the monster in the mirror". It was lovely talking to Nicky Tuesday evening. I felt fine then. I went back to my parents that night about 10.45 & the swelling had blown up really quickly without me realising it. It was that quick. My tummy is still quite bad as a result of the tablets I have had to take but the icky tummy & slight pain is so worth it.

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Best wishes
Love
“The elephant woman” Debbie