"Yes I Can!"

Today my fight back really begins.

In another life I took this photo of a wild African leopard in Moremi Botswana while hanging off the side of a safari truck with one hand, camera in the other. No more than 12 foot between us. No glass or wire just a truck full of meals on wheels (my fellow Botswana buddies) & a herd of impala that this leopard was contemplating having for lunch. All of us together but also alone in the wilderness. Only the scorching midday sun delaying her ambitions. She looked right through me, she was so focused. My fear was gone I was there, in this wonderful place. This was one of the most breathtaking exciting moments of my life. Well times have changed & so has my life. I am in that zone, that focused place ready for the fight of my life.

Below is an extract from the letter that ripped out my heart which I received from my consultant psychiatrist at the local hospital on 23rd Jan:-

"I am afraid the Primary Care Trust Commissioning meeting has decided they are not prepared to fund your gender reassignment procedure with the specialist Dr Thomas in Brighton. The reason appears to be that the trust has agreements with the west London Mental Health Trust Dysphoria Service (Charring Cross). I would imagine you are likely to be disappointed with the decision but I do hope that we can still try to move forward to help you ultimately realise your goals & improve your mental health"

To say I was disappointed was more than a slight understatement. After the initial trauma thanks to the kind love & support I have received from my dear family & friends my spirit is rejuvenated & I am ready to fight. My counsellor has been absolutely brilliant. I could wish for no one better to be in my corner. We have a plan of action.

There are several ways that this ridiculous decision can be challenged

1) By the consultant psychiatrist who referred me on my behalf
2) By requesting a meeting with someone from the Commissioning Team
3) By Formally challenging their decision - (there will be a policy saying how this an be done)
4) By legal action - sometimes the threat of this will cause them to cave in - or a solicitors letter citing previous case law can have the same effect.

My counsellor assures me Do not despair - although you will have to go through an unnecessary battle - it is one that you will win. "YES I CAN !"

The new self belief I have & the way I have bounced back so quickly has been really empowering. I could never have stood up for myself before. I am naturally passive. Assertive was just not me & was something other people had. Something inside me is really changing. I may not have my GRS yet but this normally shy girl is now a woman who has at least finally got some backbone & spirit to fight.

On Monday I am going to the local hospital to see the consultant psychiatrist for an emergency meeting to discuss how best we proceed from here. My beloved Mum has even offered to come along with me for the first time in her life to a medical appointment regarding my gender dysphoria, as a show of support as she now feels so strongly this surgery is appropriate & vital for her new daughter. Never ever in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine our family would be so united over an issue that has cast such a shadow over thirty years of our lives. OMG what a transformation our entire family has undergone.

I want to try & keep things amicable but for me this letter is very assertive by my standards. My fight is not with the excellent medical staff but with the bean counters involved whose decision was made in total ignorance of my condition.

I have written a letter of response to my consultant psychiatrist who referred me:-

"Dear Dr

Further to the letter you sent me dated ## ref #### I have written this reply to express my great sadness & shock at the outcome of the PCT commissioning meeting. I sincerely hope you will help me find the best way to proceed & continue to support me with my case, which is one of clear clinical need.
I have made great progress under your excellent care this year & done everything asked of me to the point my mental health has been stable for the twelve months since I begun my real life experience. I will shortly complete all the necessary criteria for surgery with Mr Thomas & have had over 12 years of specialist gender care. The PCT’s decision will have a direct & negative impact on my mental health. It is a medical fact further delaying my right to the appropriate treatment for my gender dysphoria will have a detrimental effect on my health.
My sincere wish is that you will continue to support my ECR referral from the PCT for my gender re-assignment surgery preferably with Mr Thomas at Brighton.
The fact the PCT has an agreement with the west London Mental Health Trust Gender Dysphoria Service is not relevant to my case, for the reasons already clearly stated in the letter I sent to you regarding my reasons for requesting my Surgery with Mr Thomas which I have enclosed overleaf.
I have consulted my counsellor ## who is a recognised expert in these matters & she assures me the PCTs decision is illegal. I wish to have the details of the procedure for challenging their decision. ## will be contacting the team of solicitors she has worked with on a number of similar cases of which they have a 100% success rate. I sincerely hope this situation can be resolved amicably & fairly so as not to have a detrimental impact on my health or cause unnecessary expense to the NHS.

Yours sincerely"

'

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I am a work in progress & like this battle to be continued. This may all end in tears. I may lose my grip, my focus but I am going to try to hold onto my dream with all my heart!