Changing friendships

As a relative new girl to real life (4 months) I am still amazed at the lack of prejudice I have experienced so far & nervously await facing my fears because I feel sure it is going to happen some time. As usual Kate you are very perceptive. I am certainly guilty of projecting my fears/beliefs/prejudice onto others. I have so far been very lucky & kept most of my friends from my previous life. Socialising with other females or mixed groups I have found fine even though I was previously painfully shy, particularly in large groups. In fact the shyness is becoming less so as Debbie. Female friendships are mostly even better than before. My friendships have always been platonic & as I have become more open in the last ten years or so my friendships have nearly always been with females.

It is very different for my men friends from my previous life. Those friendships stretch back nearly 30 years. That is where I look at myself & question my own prejudice in so many ugly ways. First & foremost I worry if we were to meet up one to one now, muggles particularly of the chav variety may be more likely to have a go at us, if they perceive us to be two males. I am nervous about putting my male friend in that situation. The dynamics have changed so much in our friendships. Can we still truly be mates? We tend to chat on the phone quite easily but avoid meeting up in person unless with a mixed group. Whose prejudice is that? Neither me or my male friends are to my knowledge either gay, homophobic, transphobic, so what is happening ? How do you deal with those feelings?

Some couples who have yet to meet me as a women seem to have distanced themselves once I started to live in role. Whose fault is that? I have much more self esteem now but I worry even more about my appearance, my obvious masculine traits which I need to unlearn, my facial hair, my voice etc. It is for me all part of the fun of the experience, the learning process for me & for our friends. I have so much more to experience & to learn. One things for sure we certainly find out who are true friends are.

Perhaps we need more patience, may be given time, we may be pleasantly surprised & be able to rebuild those friendships that are worth saving. We of all people should be the last to pre judge people or may be I am guilty of always trying to see the good in people.

In Ali G speak Its not cos I is black its cos I is Debbie

The new friends we make now are going to be worth some of the heartache we face, I really believe that.